It’s been pretty long since my last post. Many things happened already, and today I feel like writing about them. Huh.. Maybe just because I feel overloaded by assignments to the point that I want to take a little break.
Ever since the beginning of this semester, there has rarely been any contact between me and her. Well, it’s mainly because I’m avoiding her. She’s taking the final paper subject at this semester, while I’m not. She wants to graduate ASAP. I don’t think it’s a bad decision, though. Graduating sooner means she won’t need to pay for the next semester’s tuition. I don’t know what her real motives are ~ since I never asked her. All I can think of is just because of the money.
Knowing that, I try not to interfere with her work. Without the final paper subject, I am already overloaded by the other subject’s assignments. I can’t imagine how much effort she must put in finishing the paper. What’s worse is, even if I want to help, her topic is out of my bounds. So the only way of helping her is to be passive and wait if she asks me for help. Anything besides that is out of options. To make sure she doesn’t hesitate to ask for help, I try to appear as free as possible. I have to finish all my own assignments sooner and go standby sooner, too.
Besides for her, appear free seems good for health. At least, I can allocate my time for leisure things so that I won’t be too depressed when doing things. In fact, my assignments are not finished faster than my friends’, because I can’t multitask. I do best when I’m focused on a thing, especially when it comes to a single-man programming. My iPod helps me focus, too. But as for the result, some people may see me as autistic. It’s a dilemma. I’m autistic when working full-focused. If I have to multitask, all the tasks are eventually not done. What choice should I take then? I’m just trying to allocate my time to full-focused work and socialize with friends.
When it comes to teamwork, I feel I’m really the worst. I cannot manage my team, resulting in I’m doing all the work. Well, if it’s just programming, it’s okay. But when it comes to writing, I really need others. I even feel that I’m a burden to my teammates, since my creativity is low ~ near zero. Especially when it’s about writing proposals, reports, essays, etc. All of them requires a writing ability – which I lack of. Unluckily, those kinds of assignments are just now filling my schedule this semester..
I hope my feelings will not be awaken at these times. If it does, it will make things more difficult for her, too..