Letting Go

Trying to let goThe words in the title reflect what I’ve been thinking for this whole year. This year’s nearing its end, yet there is still no good progress in this process. Is it because of me unable to destroy the faint hope deep inside? Or is it because of her, who repeatedly resurrect this faint hope? Although my logic clearly says “no”, my heart cannot do it that easily.

As a result, couples of my friends realized and tried to cheer me up today. Well, I knew that eventually someone would notice what I’ve been doing, though. And not only today; yesterday and a couple of weeks ago a friend of mine also advised me to do so. I know what to do, just don’t know how to do it.

I thought I’ve written it in several posts before this post. The problem is, every time I got “physically” close to her, the feelings awakened. It becomes even worse if she communicates with me, or even made a physical contact. Is it just my libido working too extremely? In my analysis, this is caused by my libido, and I have to resist it every time it awakens. It costs quite mental efforts, you know.

It’s not a rare case when she made me upset without me being unable to express. I’m too afraid to do such attack, since I’ve done it at the past without knowing, and broke her heart to pieces ~ althought I believe she’s much stronger now.

There’s no point in keeping it myself, I know.
Bitter honesty is better than sugar-coated lies, I know.
It’s not good creating a relationship without status, I’ve felt it myself and I know.

I have accepted all those quotes in my head. Now it’s just the matter of feelings. Oh if there’s a science to called “feelings management”, I really want to study it ~.~

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